Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
