so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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