so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
