If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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