Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
my liver is dry heaving
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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