I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
