I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
