the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
