i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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