A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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