We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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