So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
