I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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