Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
