Can i not drive my cunt home
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
