Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
