You smell like stripper and shame
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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