Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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