I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
