ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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