and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
