i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
