my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
