Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
