I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
