a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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