remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
