I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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