What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Someone came in the potted fern
Pants are for mortals
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
