Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
