dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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