Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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