I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
