I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
