i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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