there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
