Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Watching her eat just hurts me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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