im drinking this country out of the recession.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
