Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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