Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
