We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
