He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
