The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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