I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
