Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
