woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
