it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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