oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
