dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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