2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
