turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
